"So you think it will be tonight?"
"Hey, I never said that...I just think it's coming. It could be anytime."
They were sitting over their cafe sandwiches and sipping lite iced coffees, and discussing the proposal. Because Ellie was sure he would propose any time now, with the upcoming holiday.
"It's almost Thanksgiving, you know? I bet he wants to do it when the family is here, to celebrate. Make it special."
Leslie rolled her eyes and wiped her mouth with a napkin. She had known Ellie for the last six years, and what she loved most about her friend was her unfailing sense of hopefulness. Ellie was a sweetie, and Leslie was more a cynic. Somehow they struck a balance.
"Well, Ellie honey. You guys went ring shopping two months ago already...! He better hurry up!"
Ellie shrugged and rolled her ice cubes around her cup of cold coffee, not saying anything. She thought he would do it soon, she had a feeling he would do it soon...she hoped it would be soon.
Jason felt like he was being bombarded.
Sitting in his brother's living room on the sofa with a beer in hand, he was being subjected to yet another commercial featuring a cute couple and a sparkly diamond ring going for a good price. The couple leans in to kiss and the jeweler's name appeared on the screen and he grimaced and covered his eyes. Next commercial break it would probably play again.
"What man? You out of beer already?" His brother John got up from the Lazy Boy with his empty beer bottle in hand and headed for the kitchen.
"No," Jason called. "I'm ok."
He heard the fridge open and close and John reappeared with another beer, sinking himself back into his chair and eyeing Jason.
"Then what? Because you came in here looking troubled. Don't deny it, I know you man, I can tell." Jason sighed and put his beer on the coffee table.
"Man, I am just not feeling right lately...about Ellie and this whole engagement thing." John took a sip of beer and looked at his little brother squarely.
"Look, Jason. The whole thing shouldn't be taken lightly. It's promising yourself to another person for the rest of your life. God knows I thought a long time before I got up the guts to propose to Hannah." Jason sighed again and hung his head.
"Yeah, I know." He pictured Ellie and her smile and her soft brown hair. " But I just don't know if that is really what I want."
John took another sip and settled back into his chair as the game came back on.
"Well I will tell you this, brother. Ellie is a damn good woman. And honest, you would be a fool to let her escape. When you find something good...you hold on. You make it last." Jason closed his eyes and tried not to feel sick.
Two weeks ago on a Wednesday he had been on the job, landscaping the front of the Merrill building just outside of downtown. He had been trimming up the shrubs by the main entrance when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around he came face to face with Kelley Fitz, his high school ex-girlfriend. They had gone steady starting sophomore year, right up to two weeks after graduation, when they parted ways...she went to an out of state university and he chose community college.
"Jason? Hey." She smiled and her eyes crinkled just like he remembered.
"Hey, Kelley." He smiled back, a genuine smile, and took of his protective glasses. "How are you?"
"I'm pretty good. I just came back into town last week. I'm working here at Merrill now," she added, gesturing at the building. "Just started Monday."
"Well congratulations, that is great!" They stood smiling and taking each other in for a moment. Kelley took a deep breath.
"Hey...maybe we could get together sometime? Catch up? Here is my card." She handed him a light blue business card with her name across the top and the company logo across the bottom. She started in toward the glass doors before pausing to look at him over her shoulder. "Give me a call sometime, ok?" He nodded and held up her business card.
"Ok."
That Friday Jason gave Kelley a call around lunch time and they sat down and caught up.
On Monday they caught up again. And again on Wednesday. This last week they had lunch together four days in a row. Jason had been with Ellie for the last two years but he didn't find himself thinking about her as much as he used to, didn't feel enchanted by her smile anymore. He had started thinking more about what to say to Kelley at their next lunch, found himself laughing about some high school memory, relaxed when she sat down across from him and talked to him in their old familiar way. He had known Kelley since third grade and had been with her most of high school, and seeing her again now brought back a lot of good memories. At times he even found himself wondering if they could make it work again. It wasn't until their last lunch when Kelley had suggested dinner that he thought that maybe he wasn't being fair to Ellie. Kelley's request conflicted with their date night, and he had asked to cancel, his guilty conscience weighing on his shoulders...
"Baby, can we cancel? I'm sorry but I just can't tonight. Promise I will make it up to you next week." Ellie sighed and smirked.
"Well alright. I have been meaning to go see that new movie with Leslie, we can make it a girls' night." She kissed him. "But you better make it up next week. Even with family around."
"Ok." He smiled, but he felt sick inside. Ellie trusted him totally, didn't even ask what his plans were. If she did he knew he wouldn't be able to lie...and then where would they be? Jason left for dinner not feeling his best, but anxious to see Kelley.
She was already there when he walked in. Her pale blonde hair caught the low light and looked golden, and he smiled, thinking how beautiful she looked. He thought of the way all the other guys had looked at him enviously at Senior Prom, with Kelley on his arm...she had been a goddess with her hair in ringlets, and a low cut gold dress. That was the year they won King and Queen, of course.
"Hey!"She smiled and squeezed his hand as he sat down across from her. "I went ahead and got some wine, hope you don't mind." There was a goblet of deep red in front of his plate. "Try it, it's a special California blend."
He smiled and lifted the glass, taking a sip. He thought the taste was awful...wine was not his thing, beer was. But he swallowed the mouthful and smiled anyway.
"Yeah, it's alright."
"Oh come on, it is more than 'alright!' This is delicious." She took another sip from her glass and picked up the menu. "Anyway, let's order. I'm hungry."
"Yeah, me too." Jason chuckled nervously.
The conversation continued unbroken, flowing until they finished with main course. Jason couldn't put a finger on it but he kept getting more and more uncomfortable. He felt like Kelley was sliding back into high school mode, felt like tonight all he could see were the things about her that hadn't changed. As the waiter cleared their plates they picked up the dessert menu.
"I would like the tiaramisu, please. And a cappucino." Kelley put her menu down and looked expectantly at Jason.
"Uh, a piece of the chocolate layer cake, please." The waiter nodded and left them alone.
"Oh, Jason,"Kelley sighed his name and leaned forward, stretching out her hands on the table. "I have really enjoyed these last couple weeks. You have made me feel welcome, and right at home here all over again." Her hand moved forward and covered his. "It's like things haven't changed between us, J-Baby."
Jason felt like someone dumped a bucket of cold water over his head. J-Baby? He couldn't believe Kelley had just called him by his high school nickname. Finally he understood why he had been feeling so uncomfortable...this wasn't him. It just wasn't. He wasn't the football player who got the cute cheerleader, he wasn't the Prom King anymore. He was a million miles away from that, he had grown and he had found bigger and better things in his work, his relationships, his life...with Ellie. Life was about moving forward, not back. He stared at Kelley, and he thought like he was seeing her again for the first time. She was still cute and blonde, her hair was the same style and she still wore the color periwinkle like it was her second skin. Kelley was all good memories and familiar feelings, but she didn't know him anymore. She was looking for the same boy she knew in high school, but he was long gone. Closing his eyes, Jason felt certianty. He knew what he wanted. And it wasn't cute, blonde Kelley Fitz. He took out his wallet and put down money to cover their check, getting up smoothly from the table.
"Look, Kelley, this has been great. It really has. Great to catch up and see you again. But I have to go."
He couldn't help smiling at her bewildered look despite himself. "Goodbye."
He didn't even glance over his shoulder to see Kelley sniff indignantly and cross her arms tightly over her chest as the waiter put her tiaramisu and cappucino in front of her, along with a piece of chocolate layer cake that would go uneaten.
"Hey! You all had better finish these mashed taters, I have enough leftovers with the turkey as it is!" Mom's voice rang out loud and clear over the noisy conversation in the family room of Jason's house, full to the ceiling with family and extended family. There were John and Hannah or course, along with their two kids, and Hannah's little sister came too, since their folks had passed and she was still single. Mom's brother Tim and his wife, along with their daughter, and Mr. Brown who lived next door and was widowed, with kids living way out in Washington who only came for Christmas...and of course, Ellie.
John laughed and leaned back in his chair, taking another sip of the wine Mr. Brown had brought for the meal.
"Yeah, Ma, I don't know if we can eat another bite! We have to save room for that pie Ellie made!" Jason saw Ellie smile and blush. "It smelled soooo good!" Mom poked her head back into the dining room and her gaze softened.
"Well alright, I have to tell you I want a piece too. How about we finish clearing up in here and go sit in the living room? I have the coffee brewing and we can eat dessert in there." There was a flurry of activity as extra utensils were gathered, plates rinsed and leftovers covered with foil and bagged to be put away later.
Jason sat with Ellie on the loveseat, a piece of pumpkin pie in his lap. He looked around contentedly at his family and extended family and friends, all gathered talking and eating quietly by the light of the fireplace. In his pocket was nestled a slim black box, lined with red velvet, containing a sparkly diamond ring at a good price, cut the way Ellie had told him she wanted when they went ring shopping almost three months ago...
"Hey now," suddenly Dad's voice rose above the rest and everyone quieted. "Tonight we have been blessed to eat a wonderful meal, and to share some wonderful company. To wrap up this holiday I would like for each of us to mention something we are grateful for. I'll start," Everyone was nodding and put down forks and mugs of coffee as he began. Jason felt himself reflecting on all the things mentioned; family, home, safety, work, love, opportunity. When it came time for him to share, he knew what he was going to say.
"Right now I am so grateful for the presence of everyone here, to be able to spend tonight with so many people I care about. I am especially thankful for Ellie," He turned to look at her and her soft eyes were warm and peaceful, her smile content. In a smooth move he got up from the couch and rested in front of her on one knee. Behind him he heard Mom gasp, and saw John's smile. "Because she has blessed my life in so many ways." From his pocket he produced the little black box, and in Ellie's eyes he could see disbelief, joy, longing. "And I hope that she will keep blessing me, for the rest of my life." He opened the box and revealed the sparkler, offering it to her.
"Ellie," he said he name softly, saying it just to her while the whole room held its breath, rapt. "Ellie, please let me stay by your side always. Please marry me." Her hand slowly extended and she touched his cheek, leaning in closer to kiss him.
"Yes."
As the room around them exploded in congratulations, joy, exclamations, all Jason could focus on was her and found himself feeling excited to know that this was the the first step of a journey forward with Ellie by his side.
